'... it takes ages to get any real coherence out of them. Alas, this is the curse of academia.' (JD)
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As a general rule, he avoided getting to know the students, since he felt they were a tedious interruption to the proper running of college life. (SD)
Unseen University was used to eccentricity among the faculty. After all, humans derive the notions of what it means to be a normal human being by constant reference to the humans around them, and when those humans are other wizards the spiral can only wiggle downwards. (SM)
Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it … (LF)
… centres of learning are almost always referred to as feminine; rather surprising considering the length of time it took for any women to get into one of them for a purpose higher than scrubbing the floors. (JD)
There appears to be no such thing as a snack in Unseen University. Indeed, the term was used, but you could probably stave off starvation for a week on a university ‘snack’. (JD)
He was, Marjorie considered, one of the most useful people: a house-trained near-nerd, conscientious to the point of insanity but not any further, apparently. (JD)
… it is the nature of Great Big Things that if the money isn’t spent on them, it isn’t spent on smaller scientific projects either. Small projects don’t advance bureaucratic or political careers as effectively as big ones. (JD)
'If only we had laboratories to produce self-replicating scientists, to explore all the worlds. Ah, but we do! They're called university campuses.' (LW)
'University Council at the time took the decent view that it might be the moment for a leader who was not stupid, mad or dead. Admittedly, most of these are not exactly qualifications in the normal sense, but I like to think that the skill of leadership, tactics and creative cheating that I learned on the river stood me in good stead.' (UA)
'Are you seriously suggesting that we give out degrees for mere physical prowess?' said the Chair of Indefinite Studies.
'No, of course not. I am seriously suggesting that we give out degrees for extreme physical prowess.' (UA) 'If all else fails, we will find volunteers from the student body,' said Ridcully.
'Corpse might be a better word.' (UA) Ponder was a clear logical thinker who, in times of mental confusion, fell back on reason and honesty, which, when dealing with an angry Archchancellor, were to use the proper academic term, unhelpful. And he neglected to think strategically, always a mistake when talking to fellow academics, and as a result made the mistake of employing, as at this point, common sense. (UA)
The Office of Master of The Traditions had fallen inevitably on Ponder Stibbons, who tended to get all the jobs that required someone who thought that things should happen on time and that numbers should add up. (UA)
Who ever heard of a man resigning from UU? It was something that simply did not happen! Sometimes people left in disgrace, in a box or, in a few cases, in bits, but there was no tradition of resigning at all. Tenure at Unseen University was for life, and often a long way beyond. (UA)
'What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?' (CCODD)
'… trying to be nice to students means you end up with courses like comparative fretwork and graduates who think 'thank you' is one word and can look at a sign sayin' 'Human Resources Department' without detecting a whiff of brimstone.' (CCODD)
'… I don't think it was for reading. It was for having written …' (CCODD)
'Explain to him that we don't do things, Stibbons,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. 'We are academics.' (CCODD)
'… my door is always metaphorically open.'
'Metaphorically, sir?' said Stibbons. 'Yes,' said the Dean. 'But technically, of course, it's locked. Good grief, you don't want 'em just turning up.' (CCODD) It is always useful for a university to have a Very Big Thing. It occupies the younger members, to the relief of their elders (especially if the VBT is based at some distance from the seat of learning itself) and it uses up a lot of money, which would otherwise only lie around causing trouble or be spent by the sociology department or, probably, both. It also helps if it pushes back boundaries, and it doesn’t much matter what boundaries these are, since as any researcher will tell you that it’s the pushing that matters, not the boundary. (DW)
Many people are aware of the Weak and Strong Anthropic Principles. The Weak One says, basically, that it was jolly amazing of the universe to be constructed in such a way that humans could evolve to a point where they make a living in, for example, universities, while the Strong One says that, on the contrary, the whole point of the universe was that humans should not only work in universities but also write for huge sums books with words like“Cosmic” and “Chaos” in the titles.
The UU Professor of Anthropics had developed the Special and Inevitable Anthropic Principle, which was that the entire reason for the existence of the universe was the eventual evolution of the UU Professor of Anthropics. (H) The Faculty was lukewarm on the subject of knowledge for knowledge’s sake, but they were boiling hot on the subject of warm bedrooms. (SODW)
The University’s proctors were known as lobsters because they went very red when hot and had a grip that was extremely hard to shake off. They were generally ex-army sergeants, and had depths of cynicism unplumbable by any line, and were fuelled by beer. (DW)
At Unseen University you had budgets, and if you didn’t use up everything you’d been given you wouldn’t get as much next time. If this meant you roasted all summer in order to be moderately warm during the winter, then that was a small price to pay for proper fiscal procedures. (TG)
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