Ridcully told jokes like a bullfrog did accountancy. They never added up. (LC)
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‘… what kind of issues of survival arise during double-entry bookkeeping?’
A.E. Pessimal sighed. ‘It can get pretty hazardous as the end of the fiscal year draws near, captain.’ (Sn) It was amazing, he thought, how people would argue against figures on no better basis than 'they must be wrong'.
'I'm sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures,' said the Senior Wrangler sourly. 'That is so,' said Ponder, 'but I'm afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance'. (UA) For something to exist, it has to be observed.
For something to exist, it has to have a position in time and space. And this explains why nine-tenths of the mass of the universe is unaccounted for. Nine-tenths of the universe is the knowledge of the position and direction of everything in the other tenth. Every atom has its biography, every star its file, every chemical exchange its equivalent of the inspector with a clipboard. It is unaccounted for because it is doing the accounting for the rest of it, and you cannot see the back of your own head. Nine-tenths of the universe, in fact, is paperwork. (TOT) And he read Principles of Accounting all morning, but just to make it interesting, he put lots of dragons in it. (W)
They were the observers of the operation of the universe, its clerks, its auditors. They saw to it that things spun and rocks fell.
And they believed that for a thing to exist it had to have a position in time and space. Humanity had arrived as a nasty shock. Humanity practically wasthings that didn’t have a position in time and space, such as imagination, pity, hope, history and belief. Take those away and all you had was an ape that fell out of trees a lot. (TOT) 'Are you the owner of this establishment?' asked the fireman.
'Don't be stupid. Do I look like I run a bookshop?' 'I really wuldn't know that, sir. Appearances can be very deceptive. For example, I am a fireman. However, upon meeting me socially, people unaware of my occupation often suppose that I am, in fact, a chartered accountant or company director. Imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you. Honestly?' 'A prat,' said Crowley and he ran into the bookshop. (GO) At Unseen University you had budgets, and if you didn’t use up everything you’d been given you wouldn’t get as much next time. If this meant you roasted all summer in order to be moderately warm during the winter, then that was a small price to pay for proper fiscal procedures. (TG)
'I think he’s dimensionally maladjusted, dad. Time and space has got a bit mixed up for him. That’s why he’s moving sideways all the time.’
Ptaclusp IIb gave his father a brave little smile. ‘He always used to move sideways,’ said Ptaclusp. His son sighed. ‘Yes, dad, he said. ‘But that was just normal. All accountants move like that.' (P) |
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