Everything was a test. Everything was a competition. Life put them in front of you every day. You watched yourself all the time. You had to make choices. You never got told which ones were right. Oh, some of the priests said you got given marks afterwards but what was the point of that? (CJ)
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For Windle, in fact, death marked the first day of the rest of his life. (PP)
'... if you stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.' (GO)
'... I really don't know where teachers go when they're dead, but I've got a horrible suspicion it’ll be full of sports masters.' (IT)
Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat. (WA)
Being dead didn’t mean you couldn’t get angry, oh no. (SC)
‘Death doesn’t frighten me. It’s what comes after.’ (M)
‘You’re a lot luckier than most dead people, if you look at it objectively,’ he said. ‘You’re alive to enjoy it.’ (M)
‘I’m a firm believer in reincarnation. What would you like to come back as?’
‘I don’t want to go,’ said Rincewind firmly. (LF) Who ever heard of a man resigning from UU? It was something that simply did not happen! Sometimes people left in disgrace, in a box or, in a few cases, in bits, but there was no tradition of resigning at all. Tenure at Unseen University was for life, and often a long way beyond. (UA)
It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes.
This is broadly true. But Heaven has the best choreographers. (GO) Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch. XXI, v.16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Even allowing that the Heavenly Host and other essential services take up at least two thirds of this space, this leaves about one million cubic feet of space for each human occupant – assuming that every creature that could be called ‘human’ is allowed in, and that the human race eventually totals a thousand times the number of humans alive up until now. This is such a generous amount of space that it suggests that room has also been provided for some alien races or- a happy thought – that pets are allowed. (LH)
People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but prefer dinner to turn up inside an hour. (NW)
'Do teachers go anywhere special when they die?’ said Cohen.
‘I don’t think so,’ said Mr Saveloy gloomily. He wondered for a moment whether there really was a great Free Period in the sky. It didn’t sound very likely. Probably there would be some marking to do. (IT) 'There’s no’ a lot o’ laughs in the underworld. This one used tae be called Limbo, ye ken, cuz the door was verrae low.' (W)
'In the olden days,’ she said, ‘when a hero had been really heroic, the gods would put them up in the stars.’
THE HEAVENS CHANGE, said Death. WHAT TODAY LOOKS LIKE A MIGHTY HUNTER MAY LOOK LIKE A TEACUP IN A HUNDRED YEARS’ TIME. ‘That doesn’t seem fair.’ NO ONE EVER SAID IT HAD TO BE. BUT THERE ARE OTHER STARS. (LH) Mr. Tulip raised a trembling hand. ‘Is this the bit where my whole life passes in front of my eyes?’ he said.
NO, THAT WAS THE BIT JUST NOW. ‘Which bit?’ THE BIT, said Death, BETWEEN YOU BEING BORN AND YOU DYING. NO, THIS ... MR. TULIP, THIS IS YOUR WHOLE LIFE AS IT PASSED BEFORE OTHER PEOPLE’S EYES ... (TT) 'Down in Klatch they believe if you lead a good life you’re rewarded by being sent to a paradise with lots of young women.’
‘That’s your reward, is it?’ ‘Dunno. Maybe it’s their punishment.' (IT) Susan stared at him.
The blue glow in Death’s eyes gradually faded, and as the light died it sucked at her gaze so that it was dragged into the eye sockets and the darkness beyond... ...which went on and on, forever. There was no word for it. Even eternity was a human idea. Giving it a name gave it a length; admittedly, a very long one. But this darkness was what was left when eternity had given up. It was where Death lived. Alone. (SM) There are no delusions for the dead. Dying is like waking up after a really good party, when you have one or two seconds of innocent freedom before you recollect all the things you did last night which seemed so logical and hilarious at the time, and then you remember the really amazing thing you did with a lampshade and two balloons, which had them in stitches, and now realize you’re going to have to look at lot of people in the eye today and you’re sober now and so are they but you can both remember (LL)
Death paused. YOU HAVE PERHAPS HEARD THE PHRASE, he said, THAT HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE?
‘Yes. Yes, of course.’ Death nodded. IN TIME, he said, YOU WILL LEARN THAT IT IS WRONG. (SG) The Captain frowned. ‘It’s a funny thing,’ he said, ‘but why is it that the heathens and the barbarians seem to have the best places to go when they die?’
‘A bit of a poser, that,’ agreed the mate. ‘I s’pose it makes up for ‘em ... enjoying themselves all the time when they’re alive, too?’ He looked puzzled. Now that he was dead, the whole thing sounded suspicious. (SG) 'Yeah, it’s always the same,’ said Reg Shoe bitterly. ‘Once you’re dead, people just don’t want to know, right? They act as if you’ve got some horrible disease. Dying can happen to anyone, right?' (RM)
They said that dying was just like going to sleep, although of course if you weren’t careful bits of you could rot and drop off (RM)
Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room. The difference is, when you shout, "Where’s my clean socks?", no-one answers. (E)
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