Chris Jones
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Captain's Log - Final Entry 2012

5/11/2014

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Sho,

Alcomohol ish back on the menu, but im pretty shore I can handle it.
  
Perhapsh I was a teensy-weensy bit rong about the GraTe custard deluge.  All I can find traces of is an olde cushtard containerer in the back of the frige and it had bean there so long that when I opened it uP to hav a lok it tryd to attack me.
  
Shtill, lik all goood doomshday predicshons we jusht move the dates again and say that we red the shtars wrong because the sun was in uranush (hahahahaha - alwaysh makes me laugh).  Sho pack ur floaties, and a bowl and and shpoon,  for Februauruaury (shtupid word – doesn’t know when to end) 2013 when the world goes cushtarddddd!!!!!
  
Itsh jus possible that I went off on a prity strange tangent lasht month, and perhapsh, jus perhapsh, my use of religion to replace alcohol didn’t quite work out ash planned.  I’m shtarting to think that perhapsh a wee bit of alcohol ishn’t the worst thing when contemplating the universe.  Straight religion may jusht be a little too intoxicating.  I’ll probably get a shpanking for saying that – if I’m lucky – ahahahahaha.
  
My biggest problem now ish the freakin animals.  I mean, sure the manure for the garden ish great and the vegie patch hash gone wild but the aroma is sho storng you can actually shee is hanging there in a kind of green-brown haze. You can evun cut it into chunks.  I’ve wrapd some of these up and am going to send them to peeple that have caused me pain, for their burthdays.  The finance departmint are in for quite a sururprise (hehehehehe).
  
 We also had a tragedy in the vegies yeshsterday.  The beens had really shot up and this kid named Jack kept coming around and trying to clim one of them.  Well, he may have been a good climber but he wasn’t very observant and now, sadly, he’s contributing to the compost in his own little way, thanks to the 29 tigers.  The circle of life can be a bit of a bugga.
  
Shpeaking of witch, if you do happen to encounter a gristly bear around town that answers to the name of Cuddles, stay away from him, especshily if he wants you to tikle his belly.  He is a nasty piece of work.
  
Anyway, I seem to have survived leap year febfasht and I’m petty shure nobody notussed me going slightly off the railsh. I owe a great big thanksh to all those wonderful peeple who donated – you will go to the 29th haven (which ish the best one of corse).  Those who don’t donate will almost certainly end up in sum fiery hell, which sheems a bit rough reely. That leaves them two choyses, donate, or go out and rack up some reely naughty black marks (in for a penny in for a pound).  Actually the second one doesn’t sound toooo bad but it’s probably a better longturm investment to jst donate.
  
So, if you want to save your life, and change the life of other people why not hed to:

http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/chris_jones_97
and make a contrbushion.
  
And that’s a wrap, or possubly a kebab.
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    Chris Jones

    This blog is a mixture of experiences, light moments, humour, ponderings and observations. Which pretty much sums up living.

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