It’s gone. I put my sanity down somewhere and I just can’t find it.
Thought walking the dog would keep me sane. Walked him 37 times this week. The little bugg3r gave out after the first twenty. Dragged him around for the next ten walks. Felt guilty. Swapped him for an old star wars toy that looked vaguely dog-like and took it for 7 more drags. People have started staring, especially when we play fetch. Seems pretty rude.
Thank god for tinfoil. A couple of days ago I realised that I was being attacked by electromagnetic waves aimed at my brain – probably by ASIO. Fortunately, I was ahead of the game and I now wear a tinfoil hat that keeps me safe. People stare at that too. Fools. They should all be wearing one.
I’ve had a breakthrough on the toilet paper front – all thanks to tinfoil. Once the mind-altering rays had gone I saw things as they really are. There’s a world-wide conspiracy by Kleenex to steal all the toilet paper and only leave behind a few sheets to throw us off the scent. I have tried to tell people in the street about this but they just walk past. Perhaps it's Kleenex or Sorbent who are controlling the brain rays? This requires further investigation!
If shoes have souls then do they go to Heaven? I hope so because they have to put up with smelly feet. I did have a pair once though that I really hope ended up in Hell.
Old McDonald was a bad farmer. He just didn't know when to stop. Specialise man - who wants all those different animals on the place? Must make a godawful racket too with all the mooing and baaing and clucking and neighing.
And don't believe that rubbish about carrots improving the eyesight!! At best they just make the world go dark at worst they give you a nasty poke in the eye.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting a little off track. I'm sure I had a purpose. Or was it a porpoise? Maybe it's a metaphor. What's a meta for? No idea. I think I had one as a pet but it died and we buried it under the rosemary bush.
If you want to help me and a good cause (I think it's something to do with dolphins - heavens knows they could do with a little help) please visit:
http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/chris_jones_3
Thought walking the dog would keep me sane. Walked him 37 times this week. The little bugg3r gave out after the first twenty. Dragged him around for the next ten walks. Felt guilty. Swapped him for an old star wars toy that looked vaguely dog-like and took it for 7 more drags. People have started staring, especially when we play fetch. Seems pretty rude.
Thank god for tinfoil. A couple of days ago I realised that I was being attacked by electromagnetic waves aimed at my brain – probably by ASIO. Fortunately, I was ahead of the game and I now wear a tinfoil hat that keeps me safe. People stare at that too. Fools. They should all be wearing one.
I’ve had a breakthrough on the toilet paper front – all thanks to tinfoil. Once the mind-altering rays had gone I saw things as they really are. There’s a world-wide conspiracy by Kleenex to steal all the toilet paper and only leave behind a few sheets to throw us off the scent. I have tried to tell people in the street about this but they just walk past. Perhaps it's Kleenex or Sorbent who are controlling the brain rays? This requires further investigation!
If shoes have souls then do they go to Heaven? I hope so because they have to put up with smelly feet. I did have a pair once though that I really hope ended up in Hell.
Old McDonald was a bad farmer. He just didn't know when to stop. Specialise man - who wants all those different animals on the place? Must make a godawful racket too with all the mooing and baaing and clucking and neighing.
And don't believe that rubbish about carrots improving the eyesight!! At best they just make the world go dark at worst they give you a nasty poke in the eye.
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting a little off track. I'm sure I had a purpose. Or was it a porpoise? Maybe it's a metaphor. What's a meta for? No idea. I think I had one as a pet but it died and we buried it under the rosemary bush.
If you want to help me and a good cause (I think it's something to do with dolphins - heavens knows they could do with a little help) please visit:
http://www.febfastfundraising.com.au/chris_jones_3
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