As Week Two of my alcohol fast rolls by and I watch the purple sun sink into the pine-lime jelly sea it’s nice to know that at least my experiences have had no effect on my mental faculties. I guess it must be the impact of the sun on the jelly that causes the waves. Yes, it’s good to know I’m as sharp as ever.
Did you realise that diet is just die with a T?
Speaking of which, I’ve had to scratch another diet off the list. I’d been surfing the web and came across an airean diet. You do nothing but live off air and water. Well, it sounded easy enough and I thought that whatever is on the web must be true. Well, that turned out to be a load of b0llocks. A word of warning to – be careful with the net. You can put two innocent words together and get some rather disturbing results. I wanted to find something on games you can play when you have friends over – boy did I get a surprise when I googled adult games. I’m pretty sure our friends would have felt uncomfortable about it too. Perhaps not the ones who work for Great Lakes Council but, then, local government does do strange things to people.
Anyway back to the stupid diet. So, there’s the standard airean diet and the hot airean diet, which is popular amongst politicians. I went the standard one. To be on the safe side I locked all the food cupboards and the fridge. All went well for about 24 hrs – and then the wheels fell off. Things started disappearing around the house. Little things – bars of soap, tubes of toothpaste, but when the toaster went missing I knew something was afoot – especially as I seemed to be putting on weight and finding myself strangely drawn to magnets. Mind you, my breath was quite pleasant.
I knew it had stop when one night I dreamt I was a shark and the next morning my sweet breath was gone and the fish tank was empty. There’s nothing sadder than seeing a tiny pile of fish bones on the floor. Actually, there probably is, when I think about it. Having Christopher Pine in charge of shaping the minds of children has to be way up there.
Anyway, I gave it away and was strangely heartened to hear that the leader of this dietary cult was thrown out because he was caught eating a roast chicken (this is actually a true story).
If there really is a Heaven do you think the inhabitants are that happy about the Greenhouse effect? Mind you, if there is a Hell those denizens must be stoked with all the big holes were digging.
Speaking of Heaven and Hell, have you heard this one?
In Heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss.
In Hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.
Anyway, if you feel like making a profound difference to people’s lives for not a heckofalot of tax deductible money, please, please visit the link below and donate your hearts out.
http://my.febfast.org/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=685940&langPref=en-CA
Did you realise that diet is just die with a T?
Speaking of which, I’ve had to scratch another diet off the list. I’d been surfing the web and came across an airean diet. You do nothing but live off air and water. Well, it sounded easy enough and I thought that whatever is on the web must be true. Well, that turned out to be a load of b0llocks. A word of warning to – be careful with the net. You can put two innocent words together and get some rather disturbing results. I wanted to find something on games you can play when you have friends over – boy did I get a surprise when I googled adult games. I’m pretty sure our friends would have felt uncomfortable about it too. Perhaps not the ones who work for Great Lakes Council but, then, local government does do strange things to people.
Anyway back to the stupid diet. So, there’s the standard airean diet and the hot airean diet, which is popular amongst politicians. I went the standard one. To be on the safe side I locked all the food cupboards and the fridge. All went well for about 24 hrs – and then the wheels fell off. Things started disappearing around the house. Little things – bars of soap, tubes of toothpaste, but when the toaster went missing I knew something was afoot – especially as I seemed to be putting on weight and finding myself strangely drawn to magnets. Mind you, my breath was quite pleasant.
I knew it had stop when one night I dreamt I was a shark and the next morning my sweet breath was gone and the fish tank was empty. There’s nothing sadder than seeing a tiny pile of fish bones on the floor. Actually, there probably is, when I think about it. Having Christopher Pine in charge of shaping the minds of children has to be way up there.
Anyway, I gave it away and was strangely heartened to hear that the leader of this dietary cult was thrown out because he was caught eating a roast chicken (this is actually a true story).
If there really is a Heaven do you think the inhabitants are that happy about the Greenhouse effect? Mind you, if there is a Hell those denizens must be stoked with all the big holes were digging.
Speaking of Heaven and Hell, have you heard this one?
In Heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian
and the bankers are Swiss.
In Hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.
Anyway, if you feel like making a profound difference to people’s lives for not a heckofalot of tax deductible money, please, please visit the link below and donate your hearts out.
http://my.febfast.org/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=685940&langPref=en-CA
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