Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett

Witches aren’t allowed to be afraid. (W)

She took the view that if you were capable of learning, you’d work it out. There was no point in making it easy for people. (W)

It wasn’t a spell, except in her own head, but if you couldn’t make spells work in your own head you couldn’t make them work at all. (W)

 …when the gods made sheep they must’ve left their brains in their other coat. (W)

…it wasn’t wise to try to learn witching all by yourself, especially if you had a natural talent.  If you got it wrong you could go from ignorant to cackling in a week… (W)

‘Cackling’, to a witch, didn’t just mean nasty laughter.  It meant your mind drifting away from its anchor.  It meant you losing your grip.  It meant loneliness and hard work and responsibility and other people’s problems driving you crazy a little bit at a time, each bit so small that you’d hardly notice it, until you thought that it was normal to stop washing and wear a kettle on your head.  It meant you thinking that the fact you knew more than anyone else in your village made you better than them.  It meant thinking that right and wrong were negotiable. (W)

…Granny Weatherwax believed in cups of tea, dry biscuits, washing every morning in cold water and, well, she believed mostly in Granny Weatherwax. (W)

When all hope was gone, you called for Granny Weatherwax, because she was the best.
And she always came.  Always.  But popular?  No. Need is not the same as like. (W)

…if you were friendly to Granny Weatherwax she tested you to see how friendly you would stay.  Everything about Granny Weatherwax was a test. (W)

‘Magic is mostly movin’ stuff around.’ (W)

…when it came to odd, Miss Treason didn’t just take the cake, but a packet of biscuits too, with sprinkle on the top, and also a candle. (W)

…Tiffany distrusted black cheeses.  They always looked as though they were plotting something. (W)

…being turned in to something small and sticky often offends. (W)

First Sight and Second Thoughts, that’s what a witch had to rely on: First Sight to see what’s really there, and Second Thoughts to watch the First Thoughts to check that they were thinking right. (W)

No one likes an unexpected Morris dancer. (W)

A witch was just someone who knew a bit more than you did. (W)

Like a lot of people with big muscles, he got edgy about people who were strong in other ways. (W)

‘Ach, people’re always telling us no’ tae do things,’ said Rob Anybody.  ‘That’s how we ken what’s the most interestin’ things tae do!’ (W)

‘The trouble with being this old, you know, is that being young is so far away from me now that it seems sometimes that it happened to someone else.’ (W)

You had to deal with every day people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking the world would be considerably improved if you gave them a slap.  But you didn’t because, as Miss Tick had once explained: a) it would only make the world a better for a very short time; b) it would then make the world a slightly worse place; and c) you’re not supposed to be as stupid as they are. (W)

Witches didn’t need to slap the stupid, not when they had a sharp tongue that was always ready. (W)

‘Er … would you accept a wee bitty lie?’ Rob said.
‘No!’
‘It’s interestin’.  There’s dragons an’ unicorns in it -’
‘No.  I want the truth!’
‘Ach, it’s so boring.’ (W)

‘We mus’ lay doon our lives for her if it comes to it.’
‘How can ye do that when ye’re deid already?’ said Miss Treason sharply.
‘That’s a bit o’ a puzzler, right enough,’ said Rob, ‘so probably we’ll lay down the lives o’ any scunners who do wrong by her.’ (W)

‘Nevertheless.’
Tiffany waited, and then said: ‘Nevertheless what?’
‘Just general neverthelessness.’ (W)

.... Boffo thinking - the rumours and the stories. Miss Treason had power because they thought she did. (W)

‘I heard Jeannie say you come up with Explanations no other Feegle in the world would try,’ said Daft Wullie admiringly.
‘Aye, that’s quite likely,’ said Rob swelling with pride.  ‘And Feegles has got a fine tradition o’ huge Explanations.’ (W)

… we all have our funny little ways.  Except me, obviously. (W)

Rob looked innocent, a sure sign of guilt. (W)

…the real word for a group of witches is ‘an argument.’ (W)

…the real purpose of a coven was to meet friends, even if they were friends simply because they were really the only people you could talk to freely as they had the same problems and would understand what you were moaning about. (W)

Witches would prefer to cut enemies dead with a look.  There was no sense in killing your enemy.  How would she know you’d won? (W)

…a girl who knows her pigs would never want for a husband. (W)

It wasn’t that witches were actually dishonest, but they were careful about what kind of truth they told. (W)

... no teacher likes to hear anyone else talk for very long. (W)

‘The dance never ends.’ (W)

Granny could shave the skin off a second. (W)

... the leader the witches did not have was Granny Weatherwax. (W)

Witches are very keen on pickles, as a rule but the food they like best is free food. Yes, that’s the diet for your working witch: lots of food that someone else is paying for, and so much of it that there is enough to shove in your pockets for later. (W)

If you put a lot of Feegles in a desert, within twenty minutes they’d find a bottle of something dreadful to drink. (W)

It says something about witches that an old friend and an old enemy could quite often be the same person. (W)

There was absolutely no sign of the Feegles.  That was how she could tell they were there. (W)

‘An explanation?’ he said, shifting uneasily.  ‘Oh, aye.  An Explanation.  Nae problemo.  An Explanation.  Er … what kind would you like?’
‘What kind?  I just want the truth!’
‘Aye?  Oh.  The truth?  Are you sure?’ Rob ventured, rather nervously.  ‘I can do much more interestin’ Explanations than that -’ (W)

The start and finish of things was always dangerous, lives most of all. (W)

‘… do not become a strumpet like Mrs Ogg,’ said Miss Treason.
‘I’m not very musical,’ said Tiffany uncertainly. (W)

‘They think I can see into their hearts, but no witch can do that.  Not without surgery, at least.’ (W)

‘Try not to fart, in a nutshell.’
‘In a nutshell I imagine it would be pretty unpleasant!’ (W)

So that was poker, was it? Well, she hadn’t been too bad at it, once she’d worked out that it was all about making your face tell lies. For most of the time the cards were just something to do with your hands. (W)

‘Living this long’s not as wonderful as people think. I mean, you get the same amount of youth as everyone else, but a great big extra helping of being very old and deaf and creaky. (W)

‘… for a witch there are no happy endings.  There are just endings.’ (W)

‘We are a small people,’ her father had said.  ‘It ain’t wise to come to the attention of the gods.’ (W)

Witches aren’t superstitious.  We are what people are superstitious about. (W)

They fought like tigers, they fought like demons, they fought like giants.  What they didn’t do was fight like something with more than a spoonful of brain. (W)

She wasn’t crying, which is not the same as, well, not crying.  People walked around not crying all the time and didn’t think about it at all.  But now, she did.  She thought: I’m not crying … (W)

No thing had any power that you didn’t put there.  Shambles, and skulls and wands were like … shovels and knives and spectacles.  They were like … levers.  With a lever you could lift a big rock, but the lever didn’t do any work. (W)

It was noon.  Tiffany have invented the word noonlight, because she liked the sound of it.  Anyone could be a witch at midnight, she’d thought, but you’d have to be really good to be a witch by noonlight. (W)

… you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind. (W)

Change the story, even if you don’t mean to, and the story changes you. (W)

Hexperiment: to use magic just to see what happens. (W)

The librarians were mysterious.  It was said they could tell what book you needed just by looking at you, and they could take your voice away with a word. (W)

‘Try not to shoot her, all right?  It only makes her mad.’ (W)

… Nanny was the kind of inconvenient person who notices everything. (W)

Girls on the Chalk didn’t often run away from a young man who was rich enough to own his own horse – or not for long and not without giving him a chance to catch up. (W)

You could learn a lot from books. (W)

‘Look, just because a woman’s got no teeth doesn’t mean she’s wise.  It might just mean she’s been stupid for a very long time.’ (W)

‘… they’re not so poor they can’t afford to do the right things!’ (W)

‘… when I was a young girl, a young man nearly threw himself off the Lancre Bridge because I spurned his advances.’
‘He did?  What happened?’
‘I unspurned ’em.’ (W)

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side! (W)

If you’re going to be angry and miserable, you might as well be so on a full stomach. (W)

‘Sooner or later every curse is a prayer.’ (W)

Nanny Ogg changed the way people thought, even if it was only for a few minutes. She left people thinking they were slightly better people. They weren’t, but as Nanny said, it gave them something to live up to. (W)

People wanted the world to be a story, because stories had to sound right and they had to make sense.  People wanted the world to make sense. (W)

If she was drowning and you threw her a rope she’d complain if it was the wrong colour ... (W)

People said that you should always count up to ten before losing your temper.  But if it was Annagramma you were dealing with, you had to know some bigger numbers, like perhaps a million. (W)

You could say it was unfair, and that was true, but the universe didn’t care because it didn’t know what ‘fair’ meant. (W)

That was the big problem with being a witch.  It was up to you.  It was always up to you. (W)

‘You don’t get manners from heaven,’ said Granny. (W)

You never teach anyone else everything you know. (W)

Witches were very good at listening to what you weren’t saying. (W)

She was smiling, but with Granny Weatherwax that did not necessarily mean something nice was happening. (W)

‘The first thing a hero must conquer is his fear, and when it comes to fightin’, the Nac Mac Feegle don’t know the meanin’ of the word.’
‘Aye, true enough,’ Rob grunted. ‘We dinnae ken the meanin’ o’ thousands o’ words.’ (W)

… old women like to know everything, or a little bit more. (W)

‘I wouldnae argue wi’ a cheese.’ (W)

She hadn’t run away, she’d run to … (W)

‘And ye know how tae fight?’
‘I’ve read the Manual of Swordsmanship all the way through!’
After a few seconds the voice from the high shadows said: ‘Ah, I think I’ve put my finger on a wee flaw in this plan …’ (W)

No one who met the Nac Mac Feegles ever forgot them, even if they tried hard. (W)

‘I think he played a lute.  Or maybe it was a lyre.’
‘Ach, weel, that’ll suit us fine,’ said Daft Wullie.  ‘We’re experts at looting an’ then lyin’ aboot it.’ (W)

Next day was a good day, right up to the point where it became a tight little bowl of terror. (W)

People had seen her turn into a screaming, green-skinned monster.  They could respect a witch like that.  Once you got respect, you’d got everything. (W)

… fish are always much heavier to the man who catches them. (W)

He was great at air sword. (W)

‘There’s no’ a lot o’ laughs in the underworld.  This one used tae be called Limbo, ye ken, cuz the door was verrae low.’ (W)

‘There be a lot o’ men who became heroes cuz they wuz too scared tae run!’ (W)

‘Why am I sitting next to a blue cheese with a bit of tartan wrapped around it?’
‘Ah, that’d be Horace,’ said Rob Anybody.  ‘He’s Daft Wullie’s pet.  He’s no’ bein’ a nuisance, is he?’
‘No, but he’s trying to sing!’
‘Aye, all blue cheeses hum a bit.’ (W)

‘Goddesses can be a wee bit tricky.’ (W)

‘Millions of people will die!’
‘But only once, you see.  That’s what makes it wonderful.  And after that, no more death!’ (W)

‘I was a part.  Now I am apart.  Only when you are apart do you know who you are.’ (W)

He was so mad he will never understand how mad he is. (W)

… no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese. (W)

‘My aunts say I’m too clever by half.’
‘Glad tae hear it,’ said Rob Anybody, ‘cuz that’s much better than bein’ too stupid by three-quarters!’ (W)

‘Mebbe ye can make a hero all in one go,’ said Rob Anybody … (W)

And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream.  Tomorrow it’s gone. (W)

... once you’ve told Nanny Ogg you’d more or less told everyone else. (W)

… the drummer beat the drum a few times and the accordionist played a long drawn-out chord, the legal sign that a Morris Dance is about to begin, and people who hang around after this have only themselves to blame. (W)

‘… who does like witches until they need one, Mistress Weatherwax?’ (W)

And he read Principles of Accounting all morning, but just to make it interesting, he put lots of dragons in it. (W)