Quotes from the Senior Wrangler
The post of Senior Wrangler was an unusual one, as was the name itself. In some centres of learning, the Senior Wrangler is a leading philosopher; in others, he’s merely someone who looks after horses. The Senior Wrangler at UnseenUniversity was a philosopher who looked like a horse, thus neatly encapsulating all definitions. (RM)
The Senior Wrangler could do to a conversation what it takes quite thick treacle to do to the pedals of a precision watch. (RM)
'Tell me,’ Ludmilla whispered to Ridcully, ‘is this how wizards usually behave?’
‘The Senior Wrangler is an amazingly fine example,’said Ridcully. ‘Got the same urgent grasp of reality as a cardboard cut-out. Proud to have him on the team.' (RM)
'That’s what the warriors on the Counter-weight Continent do before they go into battle. And you have to shout -’ He tried to remember some far-off reading. ‘– er, bonsai. Yes. Bonsai!’
‘I thought that meant chopping bits off trees to make them small,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
The Dean hesitated. He wasn’t too sure himself, if it came to it. But a good wizard never lets uncertainty stand in the way.
‘No, it’s definitely got to be bonsai,’ he said.
He considered it some more and then brightened up.
‘On account of it all being part of bushido. Like ... small trees. Bush-i-do. Yeah. Makes sense, when you think about it.' (RM)
Why does everyone run towards a blood-curdling scream?’ mumbled the Senior Wrangler. ‘It’s contrary to all sense.' (RM)
'I wouldn’t do that if I were you, old chap,’ said the Senior Wrangler. ‘You don’t know where it might take you.’
‘Don’t care,’ said the Dean. He still didn’t take his eyes of the thing.
‘I mean, it’s not of this world,’said the Senior Wrangler.
‘I’ve been of this world for more than seventy years,’said the Dean, ‘and it is extremely boring.' (SM)
'I've worked out,’ said the Senior Wrangler, ‘that over the years I have been a net exporter of Hogswatch presents-’
‘Oh, everyone is,’ said the Chair. ‘You spend a fortune on other people and what you get when all the paper is cleared away is one slipper that’s the wrong colour and a book about earwax.' (H)
He seemed very cheerful, anyway.’
‘It’s the dried frog pills, he eats them by the handful,’ said the Senior Wrangler dismissively. ‘I say, why don’t -’
‘Oh dear. I hope they’re not addictive.’
‘I’m sure he wouldn’t keep on eating them if they were addictive,’ said the Senior Wrangler. (H)
'But we’re a university! We have to have a library!’ said Ridcully. ‘It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the Library?’
‘Students,’ said the Senior Wrangler morosely. (LC)
'I don’t think I’m related to any apes,’ said the Senior Wrangler thoughtfully. ‘I mean, I’d know, wouldn’t I? I’d get invited to their weddings and so on. My parents would have said something like, “Don’t worry about Uncle Charlie, he’ssupposed to smell like that,” wouldn’t they?' (LC)
‘…when you’ve been a wizard as long as I have, my boy, you’ll learn that as soon as you find anything that offers amazing possibilities for the improvement of the human condition it’s best to put the lid back on and pretend it never happened.' (LC)
It was amazing, he thought, how people would argue against figures on no better basis than 'they must be wrong'.
'I'm sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures,' said the Senior Wrangler sourly.
'That is so,' said Ponder, 'but I'm afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance'. (UA)
The Senior Wrangler could do to a conversation what it takes quite thick treacle to do to the pedals of a precision watch. (RM)
'Tell me,’ Ludmilla whispered to Ridcully, ‘is this how wizards usually behave?’
‘The Senior Wrangler is an amazingly fine example,’said Ridcully. ‘Got the same urgent grasp of reality as a cardboard cut-out. Proud to have him on the team.' (RM)
'That’s what the warriors on the Counter-weight Continent do before they go into battle. And you have to shout -’ He tried to remember some far-off reading. ‘– er, bonsai. Yes. Bonsai!’
‘I thought that meant chopping bits off trees to make them small,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
The Dean hesitated. He wasn’t too sure himself, if it came to it. But a good wizard never lets uncertainty stand in the way.
‘No, it’s definitely got to be bonsai,’ he said.
He considered it some more and then brightened up.
‘On account of it all being part of bushido. Like ... small trees. Bush-i-do. Yeah. Makes sense, when you think about it.' (RM)
Why does everyone run towards a blood-curdling scream?’ mumbled the Senior Wrangler. ‘It’s contrary to all sense.' (RM)
'I wouldn’t do that if I were you, old chap,’ said the Senior Wrangler. ‘You don’t know where it might take you.’
‘Don’t care,’ said the Dean. He still didn’t take his eyes of the thing.
‘I mean, it’s not of this world,’said the Senior Wrangler.
‘I’ve been of this world for more than seventy years,’said the Dean, ‘and it is extremely boring.' (SM)
'I've worked out,’ said the Senior Wrangler, ‘that over the years I have been a net exporter of Hogswatch presents-’
‘Oh, everyone is,’ said the Chair. ‘You spend a fortune on other people and what you get when all the paper is cleared away is one slipper that’s the wrong colour and a book about earwax.' (H)
He seemed very cheerful, anyway.’
‘It’s the dried frog pills, he eats them by the handful,’ said the Senior Wrangler dismissively. ‘I say, why don’t -’
‘Oh dear. I hope they’re not addictive.’
‘I’m sure he wouldn’t keep on eating them if they were addictive,’ said the Senior Wrangler. (H)
'But we’re a university! We have to have a library!’ said Ridcully. ‘It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the Library?’
‘Students,’ said the Senior Wrangler morosely. (LC)
'I don’t think I’m related to any apes,’ said the Senior Wrangler thoughtfully. ‘I mean, I’d know, wouldn’t I? I’d get invited to their weddings and so on. My parents would have said something like, “Don’t worry about Uncle Charlie, he’ssupposed to smell like that,” wouldn’t they?' (LC)
‘…when you’ve been a wizard as long as I have, my boy, you’ll learn that as soon as you find anything that offers amazing possibilities for the improvement of the human condition it’s best to put the lid back on and pretend it never happened.' (LC)
It was amazing, he thought, how people would argue against figures on no better basis than 'they must be wrong'.
'I'm sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures,' said the Senior Wrangler sourly.
'That is so,' said Ponder, 'but I'm afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance'. (UA)
