Quotes from Lu Tze
'Face the man you have challenged, or give up the belt.’
The figure remained very still for a moment, and then cautiously, in a manner almost theatrically designed not to give offence, started to fumble with his belt.
‘No, no, we don’t need that,’ said Lu-Tze kindly. ‘It was a good challenge. A decent “Ai!” and a very passable“Hai-eee!”, I thought. Good martial gibberish all round, such as you don’t often hear these days. And we would not want his
trousers falling down at a time like this, would we?’ He sniffed and added, ‘Especially at a time like this.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze had long considered that everything happens for a reason, except possibly football. (TOT)
'The wise man does not seek enlightenment, he waits for it. So while I was waiting it occurred to me that seeking perplexity might be more fun,’ said Lu-Tze. (TOT)
'Do you know okidoki?’
‘Just a lot of bunny-hops.’
‘Shiitake?’
‘If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside.’
‘Upsidazi?’
‘A waste of good bricks.’
‘No kando?’
'You made that one up.’
‘Tung-pi?’
‘Bad-tempered flower-arranging.' (TOT)
'Some people just become stupid with more authority.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze sighed. ‘Y’know, most of what you get taught is lies. It has to be. Sometimes if you get the truth all at once,you can’t understand it.' (TOT)
'You know the secret wisdoms that everyone seeks, monk.’ The bottle-washer paused. ‘No, I even suspect that you know the explicit wisdoms, the ones hidden in plain view, which practically no one looks for.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze bent down, picked up a fallen cork helmet, and solemnly handed it to Lobsang.
‘Health and safety at work,’ he said. Very important.’
‘Will it protect me?’ said Lobsang, putting it on.
‘Not really. But when they find your head, it may be recognizable.' (TOT)
'I know all about practising procedures for emergencies,’ said Lu-Tze. ‘And there’s always something missing.’
‘Ridiculous! We take great pains-’
‘You always leave out the emergency.' (TOT)
'When in doubt, choose to live.' (TOT)
‘…as you accumulate years, you will learn that most answers boil down, eventually, to “Because”.' (TOT)
'In life, as in breakfast cereal, it is always best to read the instructions on the box,’ said Lu-Tze. (TOT)
Lu-Tze when they found him, was looking calmly up at an enormous mammoth. Under its huge hairy brow its eyes were squinting with the effort both of seeing him and of getting all three of its brain cells lines up so that it could decide whether to trample on him or gouge him out of the frost-bound landscape. One brain cell was saying ‘gouge’, one was going for ‘trample’ but the third had wandered off and was thinking about as much sex as possible. (TOT)
'It’s funny how secretly you can move when you’re a loony monk dancing through the streets beating a drum.' (NW)
‘... disharmony, like a cat, gets everywhere.’ (NW)
The figure remained very still for a moment, and then cautiously, in a manner almost theatrically designed not to give offence, started to fumble with his belt.
‘No, no, we don’t need that,’ said Lu-Tze kindly. ‘It was a good challenge. A decent “Ai!” and a very passable“Hai-eee!”, I thought. Good martial gibberish all round, such as you don’t often hear these days. And we would not want his
trousers falling down at a time like this, would we?’ He sniffed and added, ‘Especially at a time like this.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze had long considered that everything happens for a reason, except possibly football. (TOT)
'The wise man does not seek enlightenment, he waits for it. So while I was waiting it occurred to me that seeking perplexity might be more fun,’ said Lu-Tze. (TOT)
'Do you know okidoki?’
‘Just a lot of bunny-hops.’
‘Shiitake?’
‘If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside.’
‘Upsidazi?’
‘A waste of good bricks.’
‘No kando?’
'You made that one up.’
‘Tung-pi?’
‘Bad-tempered flower-arranging.' (TOT)
'Some people just become stupid with more authority.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze sighed. ‘Y’know, most of what you get taught is lies. It has to be. Sometimes if you get the truth all at once,you can’t understand it.' (TOT)
'You know the secret wisdoms that everyone seeks, monk.’ The bottle-washer paused. ‘No, I even suspect that you know the explicit wisdoms, the ones hidden in plain view, which practically no one looks for.' (TOT)
Lu-Tze bent down, picked up a fallen cork helmet, and solemnly handed it to Lobsang.
‘Health and safety at work,’ he said. Very important.’
‘Will it protect me?’ said Lobsang, putting it on.
‘Not really. But when they find your head, it may be recognizable.' (TOT)
'I know all about practising procedures for emergencies,’ said Lu-Tze. ‘And there’s always something missing.’
‘Ridiculous! We take great pains-’
‘You always leave out the emergency.' (TOT)
'When in doubt, choose to live.' (TOT)
‘…as you accumulate years, you will learn that most answers boil down, eventually, to “Because”.' (TOT)
'In life, as in breakfast cereal, it is always best to read the instructions on the box,’ said Lu-Tze. (TOT)
Lu-Tze when they found him, was looking calmly up at an enormous mammoth. Under its huge hairy brow its eyes were squinting with the effort both of seeing him and of getting all three of its brain cells lines up so that it could decide whether to trample on him or gouge him out of the frost-bound landscape. One brain cell was saying ‘gouge’, one was going for ‘trample’ but the third had wandered off and was thinking about as much sex as possible. (TOT)
'It’s funny how secretly you can move when you’re a loony monk dancing through the streets beating a drum.' (NW)
‘... disharmony, like a cat, gets everywhere.’ (NW)
