Johnny and the Dead
‘You’re dead, right?’ he said slowly.
‘Oh, yes. It’s one of those things one is pretty certain about.’ (JD)
There was always so much news going on you never had time to find out anything important. (JD)
‘… you’ve got to help your friends, right?’ He turned to Johnny. ‘Now, personally, I think you’re very nearly totally disturbed and suffering from psychosomatica and hearing voices and seeing delusions,’ he said, ‘and probably ought to be locked up in one of those white jackets with the stylish long sleeves. But that doesn’t matter, ‘cos we’re friends.’
‘I’m touched,’ said Johnny.
‘Probably,’ said Wobbler,’ but we don’t care, do we guys?’ (JD)
Grandad was superstitious about books. He thought that if you had enough of them around, education leaked out, like radioactivity. (JD)
He was by nature an honest person, because apart from anything else, lying was always too complicated. (JD)
There was a new library in the Civic Centre. It was so new it didn't even have librarians. It had Assistant Information Officers. (JD)
'If you're going to discover somewhere, you might as well wait until there's proper hotels and stuff.' (JD)
'When did Columbus discover America anyway?' said Wobbler.
'Fourteen ninety-two,' said Johnny. 'There's a rhyme: In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.'
Wobbler and Bigmac looked at him.
'Actually, he could have got there in fourteen ninety-one,' said Yo-les, without looking up, 'but he had to sail around a bit because no-one could think up a rhyme for "one".' (JD)
Sometimes the world was so weird you didn't know where to start, and Social Education and GSCE Maths weren't helping a lot. (JD)
You could get away with anything if you said you were doing a project. (JD)
'Nothing ever finishes. Nothing’s ever really over.’
It was Johnny who said that. He was surprised at himself.
‘Correct! Are you a physicist?’
‘Me?’ said Johnny. ‘I don’t know the anything about science!’
‘Marvellous! Ideal qualification!’ said Einstein.
‘What?’
'Ignorance is very important! It is an absolutely essential step in the learning process!' (JD)
You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top. (JD)
Mad is a word used by people who've either got no senses or several more than most other people. (JD)
'It's wrong to think that the past is something that’s just gone. It’s still there. It’s just that you’ve gone past. If you drive through a town, it’s still there in the rear-view mirror. Time is a road, but it doesn’t roll up behind you. Things aren’t over just because they’re past. Do you see that?' (JD)
'... you’ve got a lot of time for abstract thought when you’ve got your hand stuck up in a dead badger.' (JD)
Of all the forces in the universe, the hardest to overcome is the force of habit.' (JD)
Mr Fletcher looked around the little room. It was currently occupied only by Adrian 'Nozzer' Miller, who'd wanted to be an astronomer because he thought it was all to do with staying up late looking through telescopes, and hadn't bargained on it being basically about adding columns of figures in a little shed in the middle of a windy field. (JD)
He suffered from education ... (JD)
'I saw a film about this, Sarge,' said another policeman. 'These aliens landed and replaced everyone in the town with giant vegetables.'
'Really? Round here it'd be days before anyone noticed,' said the sergeant. (JD)
‘Belief in the survival of what is laughably called the soul after death is a primitive superstition which has no place in a dynamic socialist society!’
They looked at him.
‘You don’t tzink,’ said Solomon Einstein, carefully, ‘that it is worth reconsidering your opinions in the light of experimental evidence?’
‘Don’t think you can get around me just because you’re accidentally right! Just because I happen to find myself still…basically here,’ said William Stickers, ‘does not invalidate the general theory!’ (JD)
‘ – dawn is a place as well as a time,’ said Einstein, spreading his hands.
‘What on earth do you mean?’ said Mrs Liberty.
‘On Earth, and around the earth,’ said Einstein, getting excited. ‘One night and one day, forever chasing one another.’
‘There is a night that never comes to an end,’ said Mr Fletcher. ‘All you need is speed…’
‘Relatively speaking,’ said Einstein. (JD)
'I believe it’s very hard to have fun in Iceland without fish being involved in some way.' (JD)
'New York, New York.’
‘Why did they name it twice?’
‘Well, they ARE Americans. I suppose they wanted to be sure.' (JD)
It occurred to Johnny, not for the first time, that the human mind, of which each of his friends was in possession of one almost standard sample, was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way. If three-metre-tall Martians landed on the shopping mall, bought some greeting cards and a bag of sugar cookies and then took off again, within a day or two people would believe it never happened. (JD)
'That’s the trouble with life, said the Alderman. ‘It takes up your whole time. I mean I won’t say it wasn’t fun. Bits of it. Quite a lot of it, really. In its own way. But it wasn’t what you’d call living…’ (JD)
'Tarot cards are European occult. Voodoo is African occult.’
‘Don’t be daft, it’s American,’ said Wobbler.
‘No, American occult is Elvis Presley not being dead and that sort of thing,’ said Yo-less. (JD)
The Demon God Yoth-Ziggurat might want to chop your soul up into little pieces, but at least he doesn’t tell you that you haven’t got one. (JD)
‘… there’s four of us, after all.’
‘That just means something bad can happen four times …’ (JD)
‘It all balances, you see. The living have to remember, the dead have to forget. Conservation of Energy.’ (JD)
… it’s amazing what you can do with a kind word, provided you’ve also got a big stick. (JD)
Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living. (JD)
Johnny blinked. And looked around at the world.
It was, not to put too fine a point on it, wonderful. Which wasn’t the same as nice. It wasn’t even the same as good. But it was full of … stuff. You’d never get to the end of it. It was always springing new things on you … (JD)
‘Oh, yes. It’s one of those things one is pretty certain about.’ (JD)
There was always so much news going on you never had time to find out anything important. (JD)
‘… you’ve got to help your friends, right?’ He turned to Johnny. ‘Now, personally, I think you’re very nearly totally disturbed and suffering from psychosomatica and hearing voices and seeing delusions,’ he said, ‘and probably ought to be locked up in one of those white jackets with the stylish long sleeves. But that doesn’t matter, ‘cos we’re friends.’
‘I’m touched,’ said Johnny.
‘Probably,’ said Wobbler,’ but we don’t care, do we guys?’ (JD)
Grandad was superstitious about books. He thought that if you had enough of them around, education leaked out, like radioactivity. (JD)
He was by nature an honest person, because apart from anything else, lying was always too complicated. (JD)
There was a new library in the Civic Centre. It was so new it didn't even have librarians. It had Assistant Information Officers. (JD)
'If you're going to discover somewhere, you might as well wait until there's proper hotels and stuff.' (JD)
'When did Columbus discover America anyway?' said Wobbler.
'Fourteen ninety-two,' said Johnny. 'There's a rhyme: In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.'
Wobbler and Bigmac looked at him.
'Actually, he could have got there in fourteen ninety-one,' said Yo-les, without looking up, 'but he had to sail around a bit because no-one could think up a rhyme for "one".' (JD)
Sometimes the world was so weird you didn't know where to start, and Social Education and GSCE Maths weren't helping a lot. (JD)
You could get away with anything if you said you were doing a project. (JD)
'Nothing ever finishes. Nothing’s ever really over.’
It was Johnny who said that. He was surprised at himself.
‘Correct! Are you a physicist?’
‘Me?’ said Johnny. ‘I don’t know the anything about science!’
‘Marvellous! Ideal qualification!’ said Einstein.
‘What?’
'Ignorance is very important! It is an absolutely essential step in the learning process!' (JD)
You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top. (JD)
Mad is a word used by people who've either got no senses or several more than most other people. (JD)
'It's wrong to think that the past is something that’s just gone. It’s still there. It’s just that you’ve gone past. If you drive through a town, it’s still there in the rear-view mirror. Time is a road, but it doesn’t roll up behind you. Things aren’t over just because they’re past. Do you see that?' (JD)
'... you’ve got a lot of time for abstract thought when you’ve got your hand stuck up in a dead badger.' (JD)
Of all the forces in the universe, the hardest to overcome is the force of habit.' (JD)
Mr Fletcher looked around the little room. It was currently occupied only by Adrian 'Nozzer' Miller, who'd wanted to be an astronomer because he thought it was all to do with staying up late looking through telescopes, and hadn't bargained on it being basically about adding columns of figures in a little shed in the middle of a windy field. (JD)
He suffered from education ... (JD)
'I saw a film about this, Sarge,' said another policeman. 'These aliens landed and replaced everyone in the town with giant vegetables.'
'Really? Round here it'd be days before anyone noticed,' said the sergeant. (JD)
‘Belief in the survival of what is laughably called the soul after death is a primitive superstition which has no place in a dynamic socialist society!’
They looked at him.
‘You don’t tzink,’ said Solomon Einstein, carefully, ‘that it is worth reconsidering your opinions in the light of experimental evidence?’
‘Don’t think you can get around me just because you’re accidentally right! Just because I happen to find myself still…basically here,’ said William Stickers, ‘does not invalidate the general theory!’ (JD)
‘ – dawn is a place as well as a time,’ said Einstein, spreading his hands.
‘What on earth do you mean?’ said Mrs Liberty.
‘On Earth, and around the earth,’ said Einstein, getting excited. ‘One night and one day, forever chasing one another.’
‘There is a night that never comes to an end,’ said Mr Fletcher. ‘All you need is speed…’
‘Relatively speaking,’ said Einstein. (JD)
'I believe it’s very hard to have fun in Iceland without fish being involved in some way.' (JD)
'New York, New York.’
‘Why did they name it twice?’
‘Well, they ARE Americans. I suppose they wanted to be sure.' (JD)
It occurred to Johnny, not for the first time, that the human mind, of which each of his friends was in possession of one almost standard sample, was like a compass. No matter how much you shook it up, no matter what happened to it, sooner or later it'd carry on pointing the same way. If three-metre-tall Martians landed on the shopping mall, bought some greeting cards and a bag of sugar cookies and then took off again, within a day or two people would believe it never happened. (JD)
'That’s the trouble with life, said the Alderman. ‘It takes up your whole time. I mean I won’t say it wasn’t fun. Bits of it. Quite a lot of it, really. In its own way. But it wasn’t what you’d call living…’ (JD)
'Tarot cards are European occult. Voodoo is African occult.’
‘Don’t be daft, it’s American,’ said Wobbler.
‘No, American occult is Elvis Presley not being dead and that sort of thing,’ said Yo-less. (JD)
The Demon God Yoth-Ziggurat might want to chop your soul up into little pieces, but at least he doesn’t tell you that you haven’t got one. (JD)
‘… there’s four of us, after all.’
‘That just means something bad can happen four times …’ (JD)
‘It all balances, you see. The living have to remember, the dead have to forget. Conservation of Energy.’ (JD)
… it’s amazing what you can do with a kind word, provided you’ve also got a big stick. (JD)
Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living. (JD)
Johnny blinked. And looked around at the world.
It was, not to put too fine a point on it, wonderful. Which wasn’t the same as nice. It wasn’t even the same as good. But it was full of … stuff. You’d never get to the end of it. It was always springing new things on you … (JD)
