I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett
When you were a witch you were all witches... (ISWM)
There were really only four types of people in the world: men and women and wizards and witches. (ISWM)
.... like it or not, the witch was the pointy hat, and the pointy hat was the witch. (ISWM)
People are often so busy living that they never stopped to wonder why. (ISWM)
Everybody needs a witch, but sometimes they just don't know it. (ISWM)
If you do not yet know who the Nac Mac Feegle are: 1) be grateful for your uneventful life; and 2) be prepared to beat a retreat if you hear anyone about as high as your ankles shout ‘Crivens!’ They are, strictly speaking, one of the faerie folk, but it is probably not a good idea to tell them this if you are looking forward to a future in which you still have your teeth. (ISWM)
... the Nac Mac Feegle always smelled something like slightly drunk potatoes. (ISWM)
Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze. (ISWM)
She couldn't tell if he had really come to his senses, because the man had so few of them at the best of times, it was hard to know if he had any at all. (ISWM)
'I make it my business. I'm a witch. It's what we do. When it's nobody else's business, it's my business,' said Tiffany quickly. (ISWM)
'I have seen horrible things, and some of them all the more horrible because they were, well, normal.' (ISWM)
The Nac Mac Feegle could be pretty worrying to those who did not know them very well, although now she thought about it, they could be pretty worrying however long you had known them; a Feegle in your life very soon changed it. (ISWM)
The problem with getting angry at Nac Mac Feegles was that it was like getting angry at cardboard or the weather; it didn't make any difference. (ISWM)
'Why is it, Rob Anybody, that you persist in lying when you are caught red-handed?'
'Ah, weel, that's an easy one, miss, said Rob Anybody, who was technically the head man of the Nac Mac Feegles. 'After all, ye ken, what would be the point of lyin' when you had nae done anything wrong?' (ISWM)
'Ye will bring to mind, brother o' mine, that there was times when ye should stick your head up a duck's bottom rather than talk?'
Daft Wullie looked down at his feet. 'Sorry Rob. I couldnae find a duck the noo.' (ISWM)
… the Feegles themselves took a bath only when something reminded them, such as an eclipse of the moon. (ISWM)
… anything goes with garlic. Except custard. (ISWM)
Witches knew that mysterious omens were around all the time. The world was always nearly drowning in mysterious omens. You just had to pick the one that was convenient. (ISWM)
That was the thing about thoughts. They thought themselves, and then dropped into your head in the hope that you would think so too. You had to slap them down, thoughts like that; they would take over if she let them. And then it would all break down, and nothing would be left but the cackling (ISWM)
‘There have been a lot of those coincidences lately,’ said Tiffany.
‘Aye,’ said Rob, grinning, ‘it must be another coincidence.’ (ISWM)
It was impossible to embarrass a Feegle. They just couldn't grasp the idea. (ISWM)
A witch needed to make people believe she knew what to do next, even if she didn’t. (ISWM)
'I am not brazen and I don't huss!' (ISWM)
People often didn't stop to think. They thought as they went along. Sometimes it was a good idea. Just to stop moving, in case you moved the wrong way. (ISWM)
Roland has succeeded in banishing the dreadful aunts, the Baron's sisters who, frankly, even the old Baron thought were as nasty a pair of old ferrets as any man should find down the trousers of his life. (ISWM)
'Well, as a lawyer I can tell you that something that looks very simple indeed can be incredibly complicated, especially if I'm being paid by the hour. The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.' (ISWM)
'… the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.' (ISWM)
You try to make plans for people, and people make other plans. (ISWM)
Even a witch can be out-looked by a cat that has had it up to here …. (ISWM)
'The best disguise for a witch is a rather cheap witch's outfit!' (ISWM)
'A spill word is a word that somebody almost says, but doesn't.' (ISWM)
The Nac Mac Feegle were indeed ferocious and fearsome fighters, with the minor drawback – from their point of view – that seconds into any fight, sheer enjoyment took over, and they tended to attack one another, nearby trees and, if no other target presented itself, themselves. (ISWM)
… only blonde and blue-eyed girls could get the prince and wear the glittering crown. It was built into the world. Even worse, it was built into your hair colouring. Redheads and brunettes sometimes got more than a walk-on part in the land of the story, but if all you had was a rather mousy shade of brown hair you were marked down to be a serving girl. (ISWM)
‘... the more ye have of the booze, you ken ye want to have even more of the booze, until ye falls over, which is when ye know ye’ve had enough of the booze.’ (ISWM)
'Any man who interferes in the arguin' of women is gonnae find both of them jumpiong up and doon on him in a matter o' seconds.' (ISWM)
'Poison goes where poison's welcome.' (ISWM)
You do one foolish thing and then one thing to put it right, and when you put it right something else goes wrong. Where did it ever stop? (ISWM)
‘... I’m in the mood for a good mood.’ (ISWM)
'And though nobody's saying it, we're locked in here for our protection. You see, everyone else is locked out, and although they sometimes act dumb, policemen can't help being clever. They know that people need witches, they need the unofficial people who understand the difference between right and wrong, and when right is wrong and when wrong is right.' (ISWM)
'Sometimes what is legal isn't what is right, and sometimes it needs a witch to tell the difference. And sometimes a copper too, if you have the right kind of copper. Clever people know this. Stupid people don't. And the trouble is, stupid people can be oh so clever.' (ISWM)
'… there are times when promises should be kept and times when promises should be broken, and it takes a Feegle to know the difference.' (ISWM)
'… we did invent the deep-fried stoat. That must count for something.'
'How is that a good point?' said Arthur.
'Weel, it saves some other poor devil having tae do it. It's what ye might call a taste explosion; ye take a mouthful, taste it, and then there is an explosion.' (ISWM)
'Have you boys got no shame?'
Rob Anybody matched him grin for grin. 'I couldnae say,' he replied, but if we have, it probably belonged tae somebody else.' (ISWM)
... the world is full of omens, and you picked the ones you liked. (ISWM)
'The Nac Mac Feegle feel the truth is so precious that it shouldn't be waved about too much …' (ISWM)
'Sometimes daft works …' (ISWM)
... the past is a very big place... (ISWM)
‘Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.’ (ISWM)
… generally speaking the Feegles got you out of trouble by getting you into a different kind of trouble. (ISWM)
… you didn't need to grind the faces of the poor if you taught them to do their own grinding. (ISWM)
You have to stand your ground because it’s your ground. (ISWM)
'I was unfortunately born clever, miss, and I've learned that sometimes it's not such a good idea to be all that clever.' (ISWM)
… where they had gone wrong was in believing, somewhere in their minds, that because two things were different, they must therefore be alike. (ISWM)
... witches grew old inside. (ISWM)
‘... maybe it’s wrong to base one’s future on a book of fairy stories.’ (ISWM)
‘Once a man gets a Feegle up his troosers, his time of trial and tribulation is only just beginning.’ (ISWM)
‘... the reward you get for digging holes is a bigger shovel...’ (ISWM)
‘Don’t meddle in the affairs of witches because they clout you around the ear.’ (ISWM)
… one day all of us will die but – a this is the important thing – we are not dead yet. (ISWM)
'Human being first, witch second; hard to remember, easy to do.' (ISWM)
‘Oh dear me, where are my manners? I know, I never had any to start with.’ (ISWM)
‘... strictly speaking, topiary is not actually illegal, although I rather suspect that one or two folk are going to be the first up against the hedge when the revolution comes.’ (ISWM)
... people aren’t just people, they are people surrounded by circumstances. (ISWM)
... I dearly wished I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having.’ (ISWM)
... laughter helps things slide into thinking. (ISWM)
'You've taken the first step.'
'There's a second step?' said Tiffany.
'No; there's another first step. Every step is a first step if it's a step in the right direction.' (ISWM)
My job is to make things up, and the best way to make things up is to make them out of real things … (ISWM)
It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. And if you don't know where you are going, you're probably going wrong. (ISWM)
There were really only four types of people in the world: men and women and wizards and witches. (ISWM)
.... like it or not, the witch was the pointy hat, and the pointy hat was the witch. (ISWM)
People are often so busy living that they never stopped to wonder why. (ISWM)
Everybody needs a witch, but sometimes they just don't know it. (ISWM)
If you do not yet know who the Nac Mac Feegle are: 1) be grateful for your uneventful life; and 2) be prepared to beat a retreat if you hear anyone about as high as your ankles shout ‘Crivens!’ They are, strictly speaking, one of the faerie folk, but it is probably not a good idea to tell them this if you are looking forward to a future in which you still have your teeth. (ISWM)
... the Nac Mac Feegle always smelled something like slightly drunk potatoes. (ISWM)
Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze. (ISWM)
She couldn't tell if he had really come to his senses, because the man had so few of them at the best of times, it was hard to know if he had any at all. (ISWM)
'I make it my business. I'm a witch. It's what we do. When it's nobody else's business, it's my business,' said Tiffany quickly. (ISWM)
'I have seen horrible things, and some of them all the more horrible because they were, well, normal.' (ISWM)
The Nac Mac Feegle could be pretty worrying to those who did not know them very well, although now she thought about it, they could be pretty worrying however long you had known them; a Feegle in your life very soon changed it. (ISWM)
The problem with getting angry at Nac Mac Feegles was that it was like getting angry at cardboard or the weather; it didn't make any difference. (ISWM)
'Why is it, Rob Anybody, that you persist in lying when you are caught red-handed?'
'Ah, weel, that's an easy one, miss, said Rob Anybody, who was technically the head man of the Nac Mac Feegles. 'After all, ye ken, what would be the point of lyin' when you had nae done anything wrong?' (ISWM)
'Ye will bring to mind, brother o' mine, that there was times when ye should stick your head up a duck's bottom rather than talk?'
Daft Wullie looked down at his feet. 'Sorry Rob. I couldnae find a duck the noo.' (ISWM)
… the Feegles themselves took a bath only when something reminded them, such as an eclipse of the moon. (ISWM)
… anything goes with garlic. Except custard. (ISWM)
Witches knew that mysterious omens were around all the time. The world was always nearly drowning in mysterious omens. You just had to pick the one that was convenient. (ISWM)
That was the thing about thoughts. They thought themselves, and then dropped into your head in the hope that you would think so too. You had to slap them down, thoughts like that; they would take over if she let them. And then it would all break down, and nothing would be left but the cackling (ISWM)
‘There have been a lot of those coincidences lately,’ said Tiffany.
‘Aye,’ said Rob, grinning, ‘it must be another coincidence.’ (ISWM)
It was impossible to embarrass a Feegle. They just couldn't grasp the idea. (ISWM)
A witch needed to make people believe she knew what to do next, even if she didn’t. (ISWM)
'I am not brazen and I don't huss!' (ISWM)
People often didn't stop to think. They thought as they went along. Sometimes it was a good idea. Just to stop moving, in case you moved the wrong way. (ISWM)
Roland has succeeded in banishing the dreadful aunts, the Baron's sisters who, frankly, even the old Baron thought were as nasty a pair of old ferrets as any man should find down the trousers of his life. (ISWM)
'Well, as a lawyer I can tell you that something that looks very simple indeed can be incredibly complicated, especially if I'm being paid by the hour. The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.' (ISWM)
'… the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.' (ISWM)
You try to make plans for people, and people make other plans. (ISWM)
Even a witch can be out-looked by a cat that has had it up to here …. (ISWM)
'The best disguise for a witch is a rather cheap witch's outfit!' (ISWM)
'A spill word is a word that somebody almost says, but doesn't.' (ISWM)
The Nac Mac Feegle were indeed ferocious and fearsome fighters, with the minor drawback – from their point of view – that seconds into any fight, sheer enjoyment took over, and they tended to attack one another, nearby trees and, if no other target presented itself, themselves. (ISWM)
… only blonde and blue-eyed girls could get the prince and wear the glittering crown. It was built into the world. Even worse, it was built into your hair colouring. Redheads and brunettes sometimes got more than a walk-on part in the land of the story, but if all you had was a rather mousy shade of brown hair you were marked down to be a serving girl. (ISWM)
‘... the more ye have of the booze, you ken ye want to have even more of the booze, until ye falls over, which is when ye know ye’ve had enough of the booze.’ (ISWM)
'Any man who interferes in the arguin' of women is gonnae find both of them jumpiong up and doon on him in a matter o' seconds.' (ISWM)
'Poison goes where poison's welcome.' (ISWM)
You do one foolish thing and then one thing to put it right, and when you put it right something else goes wrong. Where did it ever stop? (ISWM)
‘... I’m in the mood for a good mood.’ (ISWM)
'And though nobody's saying it, we're locked in here for our protection. You see, everyone else is locked out, and although they sometimes act dumb, policemen can't help being clever. They know that people need witches, they need the unofficial people who understand the difference between right and wrong, and when right is wrong and when wrong is right.' (ISWM)
'Sometimes what is legal isn't what is right, and sometimes it needs a witch to tell the difference. And sometimes a copper too, if you have the right kind of copper. Clever people know this. Stupid people don't. And the trouble is, stupid people can be oh so clever.' (ISWM)
'… there are times when promises should be kept and times when promises should be broken, and it takes a Feegle to know the difference.' (ISWM)
'… we did invent the deep-fried stoat. That must count for something.'
'How is that a good point?' said Arthur.
'Weel, it saves some other poor devil having tae do it. It's what ye might call a taste explosion; ye take a mouthful, taste it, and then there is an explosion.' (ISWM)
'Have you boys got no shame?'
Rob Anybody matched him grin for grin. 'I couldnae say,' he replied, but if we have, it probably belonged tae somebody else.' (ISWM)
... the world is full of omens, and you picked the ones you liked. (ISWM)
'The Nac Mac Feegle feel the truth is so precious that it shouldn't be waved about too much …' (ISWM)
'Sometimes daft works …' (ISWM)
... the past is a very big place... (ISWM)
‘Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.’ (ISWM)
… generally speaking the Feegles got you out of trouble by getting you into a different kind of trouble. (ISWM)
… you didn't need to grind the faces of the poor if you taught them to do their own grinding. (ISWM)
You have to stand your ground because it’s your ground. (ISWM)
'I was unfortunately born clever, miss, and I've learned that sometimes it's not such a good idea to be all that clever.' (ISWM)
… where they had gone wrong was in believing, somewhere in their minds, that because two things were different, they must therefore be alike. (ISWM)
... witches grew old inside. (ISWM)
‘... maybe it’s wrong to base one’s future on a book of fairy stories.’ (ISWM)
‘Once a man gets a Feegle up his troosers, his time of trial and tribulation is only just beginning.’ (ISWM)
‘... the reward you get for digging holes is a bigger shovel...’ (ISWM)
‘Don’t meddle in the affairs of witches because they clout you around the ear.’ (ISWM)
… one day all of us will die but – a this is the important thing – we are not dead yet. (ISWM)
'Human being first, witch second; hard to remember, easy to do.' (ISWM)
‘Oh dear me, where are my manners? I know, I never had any to start with.’ (ISWM)
‘... strictly speaking, topiary is not actually illegal, although I rather suspect that one or two folk are going to be the first up against the hedge when the revolution comes.’ (ISWM)
... people aren’t just people, they are people surrounded by circumstances. (ISWM)
... I dearly wished I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having.’ (ISWM)
... laughter helps things slide into thinking. (ISWM)
'You've taken the first step.'
'There's a second step?' said Tiffany.
'No; there's another first step. Every step is a first step if it's a step in the right direction.' (ISWM)
My job is to make things up, and the best way to make things up is to make them out of real things … (ISWM)
It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. And if you don't know where you are going, you're probably going wrong. (ISWM)
