The Dean quotes
'A few twenty-mile runs and the Dean’d be a different man.’
‘Well, yes,’ said the Bursar. ‘He’d be dead.' (MP)
'That would be the senior masters, Master,’ said the Bursar. ‘I would say they are supremely fit, myself.’
‘Fit? The Dean looks like a man who’s swallered a bed!’
‘Ah, but Master,’ said the Bursar smiling indulgently, ‘the word ‘fit’, as I understand it, means ‘appropriate to a purpose,’ and I would say the body of the Dean is supremely appropriate to the purpose of sitting around all day and eating big heavy meals.' (MP)
''Twas beauty killed the beast’, said the Dean, who liked to say things like that.
‘No it wasn’t,’ said the Chair. ‘It was it splatting into the ground like that. (MP)
'That’s what the warriors on the Counter-weight Continent do before they go into battle. And you have to shout -’ He tried to remember some far-off reading. ‘– er, bonsai. Yes. Bonsai!’
‘I thought that meant chopping bits off trees to make them small,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
The Dean hesitated. He wasn’t too sure himself, if it came to it. But a good wizard never lets uncertainty stand in the way.
‘No, it’s definitely got to be bonsai,’ he said.
He considered it some more and then brightened up.
‘On account of it all being part of bushido. Like ... small trees. Bush-i-do. Yeah. Makes sense, when you think about it.' (RM)
'What’s the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can’t blow something
up?' (RM)
‘You? We can’t take you,’ said the Dean, glaring at the Librarian. ‘You don’t know a thing about guerrilla warfare.’
‘Oook!’ said the Librarian, and made a surprisingly comprehensive gesture to indicate that, on the other hand, what he didn’t know about orangutan warfare could be written on the very small pounded-up remains of, for example, the Dean. (RM)
'You've never been musical, Dean,' said Ridcully. 'It's one of your good points.' (SM)
... Ridcully believed that everything had come into being by chance or, in the particular case of the Dean, out of spite. (SM)
'I wouldn’t do that if I were you, old chap,’ said the Senior Wrangler. ‘You don’t know where it might take you.’
‘Don’t care,’ said the Dean. He still didn’t take his eyes of the thing.
‘I mean, it’s not of this world,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
‘I’ve been of this world for more than seventy years,’ said the Dean, ‘and it is extremely boring.' (SM)
'mumblemumblemumble,’ said the Dean defiantly, a rebel without a pause. (SM)
'Am I alone in thinking, by the way, that it doesn’t add to the status of the University to have an ape on the faculty?’
‘Yes,’ said Ridcully flatly. ‘You are. We’ve got the only librarian who can rip off your arm with his leg. People respect that.' (IT)
'You’re all missin’the point. He survives. You keep on tellin’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.’
‘What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!’
‘My point exactly, Dean. Most of ‘em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind. Someone Up There smiles on him.’
Rincewind winced. He had always been aware that Someone Up There was doing something on him. He’d never considered it was smiling. (IT)
‘I am not losing my hair!’ snapped the Dean. ‘It is just very finely spaced.’
‘Half on your head and half on your hairbrush,’ said the Lecturer of Recent Runes.
‘No sense in bein’ bashful about goin’ bald, said Ridcully evenly. ‘Anyway, you know what they say about bald men, Dean.’
‘Yes, they say, “Look at him, he’s got no hair,”’ said the Lecturer of Recent Runes. (H)
'How do we usually test stuff?’
‘Generally we ask for student volunteers,’ said the Dean.
‘What happens if we don’t get any?’
‘We give it to them anyway.’
‘Isn’t that a bit unethical?’
‘Not if we don’t tell them, Archchancellor.’
‘Ah, good point.' (H)
'Of course, Hex doesn’t actually think. Not as such. It just appears to be thinking.’
‘Ah. Like the Dean,’ said Ridcully. ‘Any chance of fitting a brain like this into the Dean’s head?’
‘It does weigh ten tons, Archchancellor.’
‘Ah. Really? Oh. Quite a large crowbar would be in order, then.' (H)
'Want to stay on here? I had a word with your Dean. He gave you a bloody good reference.’
‘Did he? What did he say?’
‘He said if I could get you to do any work for me I’d be lucky’, said Bill. (LC)
'Be what?’
‘Pro-active, I think. It’s a word he’s using a lot.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Well…in favour of activity, I suppose.’
‘Really? Dangerous. In my experience, inactivity sees you through.' (LC)
'This is football, Mister Shank, it's all weird kids' stuff.' (UA)
'… my door is always metaphorically open.'
'Metaphorically, sir?' said Stibbons.
'Yes,' said the Dean. 'But technically, of course, it's locked. Good grief, you don't want 'em just turning up.' (CCODD)
'I administer, Dean,' said Ridcully, calmly.
'Then we must be doing something, otherwise you'd have nothing to administrate.'
'That comment strikes at the very heart of the bureaucratic principle, Dean, and I shall ignore it.' (CCODD)
'What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?' (CCODD)
'Carefully directed ignorance is the key to all knowledge.' (CCODD)
'... what the hell is this picture all about?’
It showed on the left, a rather hunched-up, ape-like figure. As it crossed the page, it gradually arose and grew considerably less hairy until it was striding confidentially towards the edge of the page, perhaps pleased that it had essayed this perilous journey without at any time showing its genitals.
‘Looks like me when I’m getting up in the mornings,’ said the Dean, who was reading over his shoulder.' (SODW)
'Ah, I’ve got an idea!’ said the Dean, beaming. ‘We can get Hex to reverse the thaumic flow in the cthonic matrix of the optimized bi-direction octagonate, can’t we?’
‘Well, that’s the opinion of four glasses of sherry,’ said the Archchancellor briskly, to break the ensuing silence. 'However, if I may express a preference, something that isn’t complete gibberish would be more welcome next time, please.' (SODW)
'I read the Comedy of Errors last night,’ said the Dean. ‘And I could see the error right there. There wasn’t any comedy.' (TG)
No one would like to be told that they came from a universe created quite by accident and, moreover, by the Dean. It could only cause bad feeling. If you were told you were meeting your maker, you’d want something better. (DW)
‘Well, yes,’ said the Bursar. ‘He’d be dead.' (MP)
'That would be the senior masters, Master,’ said the Bursar. ‘I would say they are supremely fit, myself.’
‘Fit? The Dean looks like a man who’s swallered a bed!’
‘Ah, but Master,’ said the Bursar smiling indulgently, ‘the word ‘fit’, as I understand it, means ‘appropriate to a purpose,’ and I would say the body of the Dean is supremely appropriate to the purpose of sitting around all day and eating big heavy meals.' (MP)
''Twas beauty killed the beast’, said the Dean, who liked to say things like that.
‘No it wasn’t,’ said the Chair. ‘It was it splatting into the ground like that. (MP)
'That’s what the warriors on the Counter-weight Continent do before they go into battle. And you have to shout -’ He tried to remember some far-off reading. ‘– er, bonsai. Yes. Bonsai!’
‘I thought that meant chopping bits off trees to make them small,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
The Dean hesitated. He wasn’t too sure himself, if it came to it. But a good wizard never lets uncertainty stand in the way.
‘No, it’s definitely got to be bonsai,’ he said.
He considered it some more and then brightened up.
‘On account of it all being part of bushido. Like ... small trees. Bush-i-do. Yeah. Makes sense, when you think about it.' (RM)
'What’s the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can’t blow something
up?' (RM)
‘You? We can’t take you,’ said the Dean, glaring at the Librarian. ‘You don’t know a thing about guerrilla warfare.’
‘Oook!’ said the Librarian, and made a surprisingly comprehensive gesture to indicate that, on the other hand, what he didn’t know about orangutan warfare could be written on the very small pounded-up remains of, for example, the Dean. (RM)
'You've never been musical, Dean,' said Ridcully. 'It's one of your good points.' (SM)
... Ridcully believed that everything had come into being by chance or, in the particular case of the Dean, out of spite. (SM)
'I wouldn’t do that if I were you, old chap,’ said the Senior Wrangler. ‘You don’t know where it might take you.’
‘Don’t care,’ said the Dean. He still didn’t take his eyes of the thing.
‘I mean, it’s not of this world,’ said the Senior Wrangler.
‘I’ve been of this world for more than seventy years,’ said the Dean, ‘and it is extremely boring.' (SM)
'mumblemumblemumble,’ said the Dean defiantly, a rebel without a pause. (SM)
'Am I alone in thinking, by the way, that it doesn’t add to the status of the University to have an ape on the faculty?’
‘Yes,’ said Ridcully flatly. ‘You are. We’ve got the only librarian who can rip off your arm with his leg. People respect that.' (IT)
'You’re all missin’the point. He survives. You keep on tellin’ me he’s had all these adventures and he’s still alive.’
‘What do you mean? He’s got scars all over him!’
‘My point exactly, Dean. Most of ‘em on his back, too. He leaves trouble behind. Someone Up There smiles on him.’
Rincewind winced. He had always been aware that Someone Up There was doing something on him. He’d never considered it was smiling. (IT)
‘I am not losing my hair!’ snapped the Dean. ‘It is just very finely spaced.’
‘Half on your head and half on your hairbrush,’ said the Lecturer of Recent Runes.
‘No sense in bein’ bashful about goin’ bald, said Ridcully evenly. ‘Anyway, you know what they say about bald men, Dean.’
‘Yes, they say, “Look at him, he’s got no hair,”’ said the Lecturer of Recent Runes. (H)
'How do we usually test stuff?’
‘Generally we ask for student volunteers,’ said the Dean.
‘What happens if we don’t get any?’
‘We give it to them anyway.’
‘Isn’t that a bit unethical?’
‘Not if we don’t tell them, Archchancellor.’
‘Ah, good point.' (H)
'Of course, Hex doesn’t actually think. Not as such. It just appears to be thinking.’
‘Ah. Like the Dean,’ said Ridcully. ‘Any chance of fitting a brain like this into the Dean’s head?’
‘It does weigh ten tons, Archchancellor.’
‘Ah. Really? Oh. Quite a large crowbar would be in order, then.' (H)
'Want to stay on here? I had a word with your Dean. He gave you a bloody good reference.’
‘Did he? What did he say?’
‘He said if I could get you to do any work for me I’d be lucky’, said Bill. (LC)
'Be what?’
‘Pro-active, I think. It’s a word he’s using a lot.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Well…in favour of activity, I suppose.’
‘Really? Dangerous. In my experience, inactivity sees you through.' (LC)
'This is football, Mister Shank, it's all weird kids' stuff.' (UA)
'… my door is always metaphorically open.'
'Metaphorically, sir?' said Stibbons.
'Yes,' said the Dean. 'But technically, of course, it's locked. Good grief, you don't want 'em just turning up.' (CCODD)
'I administer, Dean,' said Ridcully, calmly.
'Then we must be doing something, otherwise you'd have nothing to administrate.'
'That comment strikes at the very heart of the bureaucratic principle, Dean, and I shall ignore it.' (CCODD)
'What is a university for if it isn't to tell you that everything you think you know is wrong?' (CCODD)
'Carefully directed ignorance is the key to all knowledge.' (CCODD)
'... what the hell is this picture all about?’
It showed on the left, a rather hunched-up, ape-like figure. As it crossed the page, it gradually arose and grew considerably less hairy until it was striding confidentially towards the edge of the page, perhaps pleased that it had essayed this perilous journey without at any time showing its genitals.
‘Looks like me when I’m getting up in the mornings,’ said the Dean, who was reading over his shoulder.' (SODW)
'Ah, I’ve got an idea!’ said the Dean, beaming. ‘We can get Hex to reverse the thaumic flow in the cthonic matrix of the optimized bi-direction octagonate, can’t we?’
‘Well, that’s the opinion of four glasses of sherry,’ said the Archchancellor briskly, to break the ensuing silence. 'However, if I may express a preference, something that isn’t complete gibberish would be more welcome next time, please.' (SODW)
'I read the Comedy of Errors last night,’ said the Dean. ‘And I could see the error right there. There wasn’t any comedy.' (TG)
No one would like to be told that they came from a universe created quite by accident and, moreover, by the Dean. It could only cause bad feeling. If you were told you were meeting your maker, you’d want something better. (DW)
