Carrot quotes
'A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch,’ Carrot drew himself up proudly, ‘because someone’s taken a book? You think that’s worse than murder?’
The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who said things like ‘What’s so bad about genocide?' (GG)
'Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot.
‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value.' (GG)
'Do you think there’s such a thing as a criminal mind?’
Carrot almost audibly tried to work it out.
‘What ... you mean like ... Mr Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, sir?’
‘He’s not a criminal.’
‘You have eaten one of his pies, sir? (MA)
'Have you ever eaten dwarf bread?’
‘No.’
‘Everyone should try it once,’ said Carrot. He appeared to consider this. ‘Most people do,’ he added. (MA)
'Hah! You're uniform doesn't scare me,' he said.
Vimes looked down at his battered breastplate and worn mail.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘This is not a scary uniform. I’m sorry. Forward, Corporal Carrot and Lance-Constable Detritus.’
The Assassin was suddenly aware of the sunlight being blocked out.
‘Now these, I think you’ll agree,’ said Vimes, from somewhere behind the eclipse, ‘are scary uniforms.’ (MA)
'People ought to think for themselves, Captain Vimes says. The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.' (MA)
'We are armed with the truth. What can harm us if we are armed with the truth?’
‘Well, a crossbow bolt can, e.g., go right through your eye and out the back of your head,’ said Sergeant Colon. (MA)
Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was. Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid. (MA)
'Carrot, I think you’ve got something wrong with your head,’ said Angua.
'What?’
‘I think you may have got it stuck up your bum.' (FC)
'Was there anything else on the dinner menu?’
‘Vole-au-vents and Cream of Rat,’said Gimlet. ‘All hygienically prepared.’
‘How do you mean, “hygienically prepared”?’ said Carrot.
‘The chef is under strict orders to wash his hands afterwards.’
The assembled dwarfs nodded. This was certainly pretty hygienic. You didn’t want people going around with ratty hands. (FC)
'D*mn!’ said Carrot, a difficult linguistic feat. (FC)
Only crimes could take place in darkness. Punishment had to be done in the light. That was the job of a good watchman, Carrot always said. To light a candle in the dark. (FC)
'My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure,’ said Carrot.
‘Really? Well, there’s eleven of them.' (J)
'Fortune favours the brave, sir,’ said Carrot cheerfully.
‘Good. Good. Pleased to hear it, captain. What is her position vis à vis heavily armed, well prepared and excessively manned armies?’
‘Oh, no-one’s ever heard of Fortune favouring them, sir.' (J)
'Dreg?' said Angua.
‘A warlike desert tribe,’ said Carrot. ‘Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D’reg is your friend he’s your friend for the rest of your life.’
‘And if he’s not your friend?’
‘That’s about five seconds.’ (J)
'... Carrot takes an interest. He doesn't even think about it. He makes space in his head for people. He takes an interest, and so people think they're interesting. They feel .... better when he's around.' (J)
'It wasn’t until ten years ago that they replaced trial by ordeal here with trial by lawyer, and that was only because they found that lawyers were nastier.' (FE)
‘You’re so…unthinkingly nice about it! And sooner or later a girl can have too much nice!’ (FE)
'There has never been an authenticated case of an unprovoked wolf attacking an adult human being,’ said Carrot. They were both huddling under his cloak.
And after a while Gaspode said, ‘An’ that’s good, is it?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘We-ell, o’course us dogs only has little brains, but it seems to me that what you just said was pretty much the same as sayin’ “no unprovokin’adult human bein’ has ever returned to tell the tale,” right? I mean, your wolf has just got to make sure they kill people in quiet places where no one’ll ever know, yes?' (FE)
'People get mistaken about old Fred, sir. He’s a man with a solid bottom to his character.’
‘He’s got a solid bottom to his bottom, ca- Mister Ironfoundersson.’
‘I mean he doesn’t flap in an emergency, sir.’
‘He doesn’t do anything in an emergency,’ said the Patrician. ‘Except possibly hide.' (FE)
Carrot was very keen on modernizing the watch, and in some strange way sending a message via the tube was so much more modern than simply opening the door and shouting, which is what Mr Vimes did. (FE)
'We ought to get him home as soon as possible. What’s the usual direction? “Second star to the left and straight on ‘til morning”?’
‘I think that may very probably be the stupidest piece of astronavigation ever suggested,’ said Rincewind. (LH)
'What is that on your badge, Captain Carrot?'
‘Mission motto, sir,’ said Carrot cheerfully. ‘Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it.’
‘I imagine he did,’ said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. ‘And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?’
‘Er…’ Rincewind hesitated, but there really was no escape. ‘Er…roughly speaking, it means, “We who are about to die don’t want to”, sir.’ (LH)
'It will certainly be a challenge to go where no one has gone before,’ said Carrot.
‘Wrong! We’re going where no one has come back from before.' (LH)
'Tell me,’ said Blind Io. ‘Is there a god of policemen?’
‘No, sir,’ said Carrot. ‘Coppers would be far too suspicious of anyone calling themselves a god of policemen to believe in one.' (LH)
'Peace comes with a rather large bill, captain.’
‘And a few dividends, sir,’ said Carrot. (Th)
He was incredibly simple, but in the same way that a sword is simple, or an ambush is simple. He was also possibly the most linear thinker in the history of the universe. (TC)
The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who said things like ‘What’s so bad about genocide?' (GG)
'Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot.
‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value.' (GG)
'Do you think there’s such a thing as a criminal mind?’
Carrot almost audibly tried to work it out.
‘What ... you mean like ... Mr Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, sir?’
‘He’s not a criminal.’
‘You have eaten one of his pies, sir? (MA)
'Have you ever eaten dwarf bread?’
‘No.’
‘Everyone should try it once,’ said Carrot. He appeared to consider this. ‘Most people do,’ he added. (MA)
'Hah! You're uniform doesn't scare me,' he said.
Vimes looked down at his battered breastplate and worn mail.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘This is not a scary uniform. I’m sorry. Forward, Corporal Carrot and Lance-Constable Detritus.’
The Assassin was suddenly aware of the sunlight being blocked out.
‘Now these, I think you’ll agree,’ said Vimes, from somewhere behind the eclipse, ‘are scary uniforms.’ (MA)
'People ought to think for themselves, Captain Vimes says. The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.' (MA)
'We are armed with the truth. What can harm us if we are armed with the truth?’
‘Well, a crossbow bolt can, e.g., go right through your eye and out the back of your head,’ said Sergeant Colon. (MA)
Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was. Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid. (MA)
'Carrot, I think you’ve got something wrong with your head,’ said Angua.
'What?’
‘I think you may have got it stuck up your bum.' (FC)
'Was there anything else on the dinner menu?’
‘Vole-au-vents and Cream of Rat,’said Gimlet. ‘All hygienically prepared.’
‘How do you mean, “hygienically prepared”?’ said Carrot.
‘The chef is under strict orders to wash his hands afterwards.’
The assembled dwarfs nodded. This was certainly pretty hygienic. You didn’t want people going around with ratty hands. (FC)
'D*mn!’ said Carrot, a difficult linguistic feat. (FC)
Only crimes could take place in darkness. Punishment had to be done in the light. That was the job of a good watchman, Carrot always said. To light a candle in the dark. (FC)
'My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure,’ said Carrot.
‘Really? Well, there’s eleven of them.' (J)
'Fortune favours the brave, sir,’ said Carrot cheerfully.
‘Good. Good. Pleased to hear it, captain. What is her position vis à vis heavily armed, well prepared and excessively manned armies?’
‘Oh, no-one’s ever heard of Fortune favouring them, sir.' (J)
'Dreg?' said Angua.
‘A warlike desert tribe,’ said Carrot. ‘Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D’reg is your friend he’s your friend for the rest of your life.’
‘And if he’s not your friend?’
‘That’s about five seconds.’ (J)
'... Carrot takes an interest. He doesn't even think about it. He makes space in his head for people. He takes an interest, and so people think they're interesting. They feel .... better when he's around.' (J)
'It wasn’t until ten years ago that they replaced trial by ordeal here with trial by lawyer, and that was only because they found that lawyers were nastier.' (FE)
‘You’re so…unthinkingly nice about it! And sooner or later a girl can have too much nice!’ (FE)
'There has never been an authenticated case of an unprovoked wolf attacking an adult human being,’ said Carrot. They were both huddling under his cloak.
And after a while Gaspode said, ‘An’ that’s good, is it?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘We-ell, o’course us dogs only has little brains, but it seems to me that what you just said was pretty much the same as sayin’ “no unprovokin’adult human bein’ has ever returned to tell the tale,” right? I mean, your wolf has just got to make sure they kill people in quiet places where no one’ll ever know, yes?' (FE)
'People get mistaken about old Fred, sir. He’s a man with a solid bottom to his character.’
‘He’s got a solid bottom to his bottom, ca- Mister Ironfoundersson.’
‘I mean he doesn’t flap in an emergency, sir.’
‘He doesn’t do anything in an emergency,’ said the Patrician. ‘Except possibly hide.' (FE)
Carrot was very keen on modernizing the watch, and in some strange way sending a message via the tube was so much more modern than simply opening the door and shouting, which is what Mr Vimes did. (FE)
'We ought to get him home as soon as possible. What’s the usual direction? “Second star to the left and straight on ‘til morning”?’
‘I think that may very probably be the stupidest piece of astronavigation ever suggested,’ said Rincewind. (LH)
'What is that on your badge, Captain Carrot?'
‘Mission motto, sir,’ said Carrot cheerfully. ‘Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it.’
‘I imagine he did,’ said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. ‘And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?’
‘Er…’ Rincewind hesitated, but there really was no escape. ‘Er…roughly speaking, it means, “We who are about to die don’t want to”, sir.’ (LH)
'It will certainly be a challenge to go where no one has gone before,’ said Carrot.
‘Wrong! We’re going where no one has come back from before.' (LH)
'Tell me,’ said Blind Io. ‘Is there a god of policemen?’
‘No, sir,’ said Carrot. ‘Coppers would be far too suspicious of anyone calling themselves a god of policemen to believe in one.' (LH)
'Peace comes with a rather large bill, captain.’
‘And a few dividends, sir,’ said Carrot. (Th)
He was incredibly simple, but in the same way that a sword is simple, or an ambush is simple. He was also possibly the most linear thinker in the history of the universe. (TC)
